Memo ~Clarification of Duties

To: All Team Members (Fran, Frank, Shelly, Jenny, et al.)
From: Executive Oversight Committee

Effective immediately, The Body will hold sole authority over all food-related decisions. While contributions, commentary, and unsolicited opinions from other team members are expected (and, let’s be honest, inevitable), final authority rests with The Body.

Key points for compliance:

• Suggestions, cravings, and “just one won’t hurt” arguments may be submitted for consideration but will not be binding.

• Emotional sabotage, nostalgic manipulation (“but Grandma made it this way”), or existential loopholes (“life is short, eat the donut”) will be acknowledged, logged, and likely ignored.

• The Body’s primary objectives include: nourishment, stability, clarity, and long-term functionality.

Failure to comply will result in consequences including, but not limited to: sluggish afternoons, mood volatility, or mandatory early bedtime.

Please adjust your workflows accordingly.

Respectfully,
Jenn